i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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