bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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