Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
