My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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