Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
