giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
