Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
