I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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