why didn't you poke me back
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize