your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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