We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
