I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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