i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
