Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
