there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
