Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
