We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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