i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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