dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
