Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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