Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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