Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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