Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
