none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
