I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Farmville is her only friend.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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