The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
