i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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