i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
