I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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