Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
