An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
