Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
