What a fucking waste of an outfit
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
