Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
