Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
