mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
