I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
