If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
