I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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