My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
