Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
