I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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