Buhtt sex?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
