I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
