I hate your face
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
