I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I pour the whiskey from now on
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
