I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
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I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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