If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
