My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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