Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
