i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
