You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Randomize
