I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When are your genitals available?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
