just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
