I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
