whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
