I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
