It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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