In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
