I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
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My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize