you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
