He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You left your phone here
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