oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
