As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
