We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
