He kissed a someone with a penis
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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