you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
