weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
