I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
