What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize